


November Rain

by Shinigami_HiMeSakura



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks lots of flashbacks, M/M, Slash, really Jax-centric, tags and characters will be added with updates, vague mention of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:08:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1770157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinigami_HiMeSakura/pseuds/Shinigami_HiMeSakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some bonds that not even death can break and while sitting at Opie's grave one day, Jax reminisces about all of the reasons why, to him, Opie is still right by his side. A Series of snapshots detailing Opie and Jax's relationship, from when they were kids until Opie's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've a attempted to write something like this so I don't know how well it turned out, but I wanted to write something a little different for these two, but their characters can be a little hard to write, so I hope that everyone enjoys this!

Jax lit his last cigarette as he leaned back against the headstone, staring up at the cloudy evening sky, listening to the thunder rumble and watching the bright flashes of lightning. He didn't know what had been bringing him here so often lately, but he didn't know how he felt about the emotions stirring up inside him when he sat with Opie. Now he didn't tell his secrets and fears to his dad or brother anymore, but spent most of his time telling these things to his best friend, hoping that some way, he could hear him.

The more Jax thought about it, the more he realized that somehow, Opie always seemed to hear him, to understand him, whether he wanted him to or not. He would remember times when everything was so simple, there were no wives or girlfriends, no children and their only responsibilities were to themselves and the club. 

One of his favorite things to do was to sit and retell Opie stories from their childhood, stories that would stay between them until Jax's own death. There weren't many things that he had left to remind him of Opie and coming talking to him was the only thing that he had to make him feel like his best friend was still near. With everything going on with Tara getting arresting and him trying to get the club out of guns, it was nice that he still had his anchor with him to keep him sane. 

Opie was always there when he needed him, they had a bond that not even Tara could come close to breaking. Tara may have his heart, but Opie was in his blood. They shared everything. They had a bond as friends and brothers, even as... Jax shook his head at that. They may have cared deeply for each other, but love never really came into the mix, not that he didn't want it to. There was the club, their wives, and their children to think about. Jax loved each and everyone of those guys like a brother, but there was no way they could understand what he and Opie were to each other. 

He thinks about all the times they shared together, from when JT died to Opie's last words in County. He tells him about times before things got so crazy with the club that Jax had truly begin to forget who he was. He talks to him about JT's manuscript and about his own journals as he stirs up memories that he had thought he had long forgotten.

He didn't remember what triggered his visit today, but he remembers coming out of church and just feeling completely drained and even worse, alone. There were very few times when he felt like it was utterly him against the world, and sitting at Opie's grave and reminiscing, one specific time came to mind... 

_Opie had ridden over to his place as soon as his mom told him the news. “I'm sick of hold this place and that club have on you! I've already called my sister and she's letting us stay for a while. Pack up up your stuff Opie, we're leaving in two days!”_

_He couldn't believe it. His mom was always threatening Piney with leaving him and taking Opie, but he never thought she'd actually do it. When he reached Jax's house, he was on the front porch messing with his bike when he noticed Opie's heaving and sweating form in front of him._

_“Opie! What the hell happened to you? Is everything okay?”_

_“She's leaving Charming Jax... She's leaving Charming and taking me with her.”_

_The wrench in his clattered loudly on the porch when it fell from Jax's hand. He looked up at Opie wide eyed and said nervously, “Wh-what did you just say?”_

_“My mom is actually doing it. She's leaving and taking me with her. We're leaving Saturday.”_

_“That's only two days away!” He shouted, his voice filled with panic as the realization hit him that his best friend was leaving. “There has to be something we can do. Maybe my mom can talk to her. You know how she is, she can talk anyone into doing anything! Maybe my old man could do something, you could stay here! You have before--”_

_Opie cut off Jax's frantic rambling with a tight hug. Jax returned it eagerly and Opie tried to ignore the trembling in Jax's voice when he said, “You can't leave Ope. You just can't.”_

_“I know and I don't want to, but...”_

_Jax pulled away and discreetly rubbed at his eyes, trying to make the tears that were threatening to fall disappear. “I get it. If it was my mom I'd do the same thing.” He picked up the wrench he dropped and knelt back in front of his bike, before turning back to Opie with a smile, a fake and very fragile smile, but a smile nonetheless. “That just means we have to get into all kinds of shit before you go! I mean, we gotta make the best of the next two days right?”_

_Opie nodded and knelt beside Jax and nudged him in the shoulder. “Right.”_

_They were inseparable for two days which did nothing but fuel Mary's convictions that the club and Charming were a bad place for Opie. Even a furious lecture from Gemma and a calm conversation with JT did nothing to change her mind, so it was needless to say that during those two days she saw very little of Opie. They spent their time like any other fourteen year olds would, riding their bikes around the garage, trying to sneak and listen in on club meetings, or just reading comic books and just being overall terrors where ever they could. They were having the time of their lives, and when Jax said he had something special for Opie's last night in Charming, well he had to ask himself what could possibly top this?_

_They had met on the roof of the Teller Morrow Garage that night just like they'd planned. It wasn't hard for Jax to slip out from Gemma's watchful gaze, but since Mary was actually leaving Charming the next day, Opie slipping away took a lot more finesse. Jax had been on the roof for almost an hour when he heard footsteps coming up the path to the roof. He was about to hide, not wanting to get caught if it was someone else from the club, but when he heard the soft calling of his name, he relaxed._

_“I'm here Ope. What the hell took you so long?!”_

_“My mom wouldn't let me outta her sight. She just fell asleep, so I slipped out.” he explained as he stretched out besides Jax. “So what's up brother? My last night in Charming and you just want to sit here and look at the stars? I'd have thought you would have a bit more trouble making up your sleeve.”_

_Jax punched Opie none too gently in the shoulder and glared at him, “So what if this is what I had planned?! Is it so wrong to just want to get buzzed and relax with my best friend before I never see him again...”_

_Opie frowned at the emotion in Jax's voice. This wasn't like him. They had talked about it when it became clear that Mary was really going to leave and take Opie with her, and Jax was understandably upset, but promised to find him and visit him whenever he could, but now that the time had actually come...well maybe Jax wasn't as okay with this as he seemed._

_Opie slid closer to Jax and turned so that they faced each other, “Look Jax. I'm sorry I didn't mean anything by it.” When he didn't receive an answer he sighed. “...I don't want to leave either ya know.”_

_“Then why are you going? I'm sure we could convince Piney and my old man to work out something where you could stay!” The 'So I won't be left alone.' going unsaid between them._

_But somehow Opie knew and pulled him into a hug. “We talked about this and you said you'd do the same thing if it was Gemma, right?” At the slow nod he continued on.” Just because I'm not gonna be here for a bit, doesn't mean you will be alone. I'll write you every chance I get and you know you'll still have the club and there's that girl at school, Tara, that seems to really like you.” He paused before continuing. “You know I'll come back. The club is here and...my brother is still here.”_

_When he looked down at Jax he finally saw traces of an honest smile on his face. The first since they'd known for sure that Opie was leaving. Then something seemed to change between them, their eyes locked and it was like they were seeing each other for the first time. They had been fighting this strange feeling between them for a while now. They knew they were just as close as brothers, but they also knew that the way they felt about each other could not be considered brotherly at all._

_That's why Jax closed his eyes as Opie leaned closer. That's why when Opie's lips, soft and a bit hesitant, pressed against his, he didn't push him away or hit him. In fact he rolled closer, his hands gripping his shirt tightly as he moaned into the kiss. He felt arms wrap around him and pull him closer until Opie ended up on top of him, their lips still connected._

_When they finally broke apart for air, their eyes stayed locked and anything they wanted to say refused to be spoken. Opie moved his lips like he wanted to speak but instead rolled off of Jax and lay at his side. Jax remained frozen and was already thinking about how fast he could get off the roof. He knew Opie wouldn't say anything about what happened, but he couldn't help feeling like he had really fucked up, and with Opie leaving there would be no way for him to fix it._

_However, just as he moved to go back into the clubhouse, one of Opie's arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him closer while his other hand grabbed one of the beers Jax had taken from the stock inside. “You wanted to watch the stars and get buzzed right?”_

_Jax couldn't help the grin that spread across his face when Opie spoke. He relaxed into his side and reached for the beer bottle in Opie's hand. “Yeah brother that's exactly what I wanted.”_

_They stayed like that all night, watching the stars and shooting the shit, acting like this wouldn't be the last time they would see each other for while, and if he was honest, as he watched Opie run back to his house before his mom realized he wasn't there, he knew what Opie wanted to say after they kissed because he wanted to say it too._

_'I love you'_

_There was too much standing in the way for those words to mean what really wanted them too and they were just kids, what did they really know anyway? But Jax knew for sure something had changed between them that night and he could only hope that it would stay the same by the time they met each other again._

“I still kept all the letters you wrote me...I don't think I ever told you that.” He said mournfully as ran his fingers across the lettering of Opie's name. “I would reread them to make it seem like you were there saying the words to me in person.”

He glanced up at the sky again, and knew that he should probably begin to head home, but he couldn't force himself to move. All he wanted to do was stay and just have some time to himself, to have some time where he's not the President, a husband, or a father, to have some time to just be Jax. With that resolve in mind, and ignoring the soft drops of rain that had begun to fall, he made himself comfortable and took a drink of the bottle of whiskey he'd brought with him. There were a couple more memories he would prefer to think about in peace and where else better to do it, he thought as he rested his head against Opie's headstone, than the person that you shared them with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JT was gone and it seemed like nobody understood. The club may have lost its leader and Gemma may have lost her husband, but you would never be able to tell anything was wrong with the way they acted. Jax had never felt so alone and the only one that could have understood seemed to be a thousand miles away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to avoid confusion about formatting and everything, the majority of the rest of the chapters will be just complete flashbacks, with occasional glimpses to Jax in the present.

After Opie left he distracted himself with whatever he could, the club, his bike, and Tara were all things he threw himself into to make himself forget about Opie. That all changed when JT died. His world went from being only slightly shaky to being blown all the way to hell. People said they understood, but he knew they only said it to appease him, but no one really understood. Tara came the closest, having lost her mom a few years before, but even then he couldn't make himself open up to her, but he had to give her credit, she never stopped trying.

Then there was his mom and Clay. He wasn't a fool, he knew what was going on between them and he was sure JT did too. He figured its why he began to stay away all the time, that or maybe he still didn't want to deal with the memories of Thomas, but no matter his reasoning, it still hurt they he wasn't around as much as Jax would have liked. Even though there was a bond between them until the day he died that he wouldn't give up for anything. Jax figured that's why it hurt so much. He had lost one more person who understood him, who could keep him grounded, Opie leaving wasn't permanent, but this was and he didn't know if he could deal with it alone or at all, but luckily It seemed that he wouldn't have to... 

That day, there was only one word that could be used to describe how Jax was feeling right then: shock. How else could someone who had just been told their dad who was one of the strongest people he knew had died after being hit by an eighteen wheeler two days ago? He felt numb. He wanted to yell, scream, cry, and be angry but he couldn't. No matter how hard he wanted to feel something. He just couldn't do it.

He knew there was thing he needed to do though. He needed to call Opie. In his last letter Opie had given Jax their newest phone number after Mary had changed it the last time she had caught them talking, but this time he didn't care, he needed his best friend and there would be no chance that a letter would get to him in time. His nerves were on end as he waited for the ringing on the line to end and be replaced with his best friend's voice.

“Hello?”

Jax sighed in relief as he heard Opie's voice on the other line. He opened his mouth multiple times, but couldn't force out any words. Finally when he heard Opie say he was about to hang up he finally managed to speak.

“Opie?” he said softly.

“Jax? Is that you?” he asked quizzically. “What's going on? You know my mom is still up. You should probably call back a little later. I don't want her cutting us off again.”

“JT is dead.” That one statement managed to shock Opie into complete silence. “He got hit by a truck two days ago and he's gone! Please! I need you here Ope. My mom pretending like she's focused on JT but it's obvious she's not. She's been spending so much time with Clay it's like my dad never existed. Tara's tried to help, but not even when her mom died did her dad act like she hadn't existed to begin with, so she doesn't really get it either. I need you here. You've always understood and I can't do this on my own. I just...I just can't.”

Opie was stunned. He didn't know just how much had been going on since he had left. Of course they kept their promise and talked all the time, either through letters or the rare secret phone call. Usually they just shot the shit, and maybe sometimes he would mention what was happening with school, the club or his parents, but nothing he could have said would have prepared him for how hurt and broken Jax sounded on the phone. He knew Jax better than he knew himself sometimes and the way he sounded now he knew he was close to breaking. He glanced back over at his mom who still seemed engrossed in whatever show was on television, before glancing at the truck outside. He knew exactly what he had to do.

“I'll be there tomorrow. Stay strong for me brother.” 

Jax let out a deep breath he didn't know he had been holding when he heard the click of of the phone signaling the conversation had ended. Opie had promised to call him back after his mom went to sleep, but just the thought that Opie would be there had started to ground him already. After talking to Opie, he felt more in control of everything than he had since Gemma had told him what happened. 

Opie called him again about two hours later, it was close to midnight and there was still no sign that Gemma was gonna return to the house anytime soon. They talked about random shit for the most part, Opie knowing that Jax didn't really want to talk about JT's death yet and Jax knowing that Opie knew he wasn't ready to talk yet. He wouldn't tell Jax about how he was getting there though, saying that it was a story much better told when they were face to face. They hung up when Jax heard Gemma come in, deciding that he didn't want to deal with anymore questions from her or the rest of the club about how he was feeling.

He quickly snuck back into his room and feigned sleep and realized that as Gemma kissed him on the cheek, she must have really been distracted because there was no way that if she was her usual self, she wouldn't have called him out on faking. He couldn't say that he was surprised though, her mind had been on things other than JT for a very long time. As he felt himself drifting off to sleep, he could only hope that Opie got here soon, before things really got shot to shit.

When he woke up the next morning, it was to the sound of a loud ass horn, something that didn't help his already shitty mood. He didn't hear any shouting or gunshots so he figured Gemma was out at the clubhouse or finishing the arrangements for the wake. When he went outside to tell off the driver and maybe destroy the horn, he froze. He hadn't seen the beat up old pick up in months. He was about to ask Piney what the hell was going on when he realized why he hadn't seen it in months. It was one of the many things Mary took when she left Charming, he watched as she drove away in it with Opie in the passenger side.

By now the horn had stopped and the driver's side door and he couldn't keep the grin off his face when his brother stepped out and stood grinning in front of him. 

“Opie. Welcome back.”

The bone crushing hug Jax then found himself in said everything that words couldn't and for that moment, it was like the passed few days never happened. When they pulled apart could feel himself smiling genuinely for the first time since Gemma came and told him the news. 

Never one to beat around the bush, Opie got straight to the point. “How are you doing?” 

Jax couldn't help but snort at the question, “How do ya think?” Averting his gaze from Opie to the truck behind him, he let out a soft chuckle. “Ya know we should probably hide that just in case the highway patrol followed you here or something, since I'm pretty sure a fifteen year old driving a truck as fast as you do down a highway would raise some suspicions.”

“Hey come on that highway thing was one time! And you definitely enjoyed it even though I thought our parents were gonna kill us after the cops brought us home and it sadly convinced my dad to stick his keys somewhere we would never find them again.” He said in between laughs. “But seriously it's cool. I look at least eighteen and you know it. No cop would've even given me a glance with the way I look. Besides, it wouldn't have stopped me. My brother needed me.”

Jax nodded and said softly, “Yeah and he still does.” He then grinned and walked over to the passenger side and hopped in. “Wanna go cause trouble for a little while?”

“Don't even need to ask.” Opie said, matching grin in place as he got back in the truck. “Let's stop off and see my dad first. Hopefully he won't have a heart attack when he sees me. Since his bike wasn't at home, you mind if we go by the clubhouse first? He's probably over there.”

Something in Jax changed in that moment because as soon he mentioned the clubhouse, he heard Jax's shout of “No!” an he couldn't help himself from looking at him in surprise and shock.

Instantly Jax had realized what he'd done and focused on any spot but Opie as he tried to figure out what to say and realized it was Opie he was talking to, and he'd might as well tell him the truth or he'd just figure it out on his own. “They're still getting things ready for the...wake tonight. They probably don't want us there right now.”

Opie nodded and pulled off, knowing Jax's true reasons for avoiding the club house even if he won't admit them himself. “So anywhere but the clubhouse. That's fine with me.”

Causing trouble ended up going into town to grab some parts to start restoring JT's bike. One of the guys from the club had brought it by when Jax asked about it at the hospital, saying that his dad would be pissed when he came home and didn't have anything to ride. They ended up running into Tara and another girl from their school, Donna who seemed to really be interested in Opie much to Jax's amusement, and for awhile seemed like the blonde wasn't focused on what was waiting for him at the clubhouse that night.

They were working silently in backyard when they heard the bikes and the cars pull up. Opie pretended not to notice how Jax froze for a few seconds or how his breathing began to speed up. He just calmly took the wrench from Jax's hands and started walking toward the house to get ready. He took in Jax's complete silence on the way to and at the clubhouse, how he refused to look at JT's coffin until he absolutely had to, and how he shrugged off any attempts to console him from everyone else, including himself at this point, and decided to file it away until later. It would give him time to figure out what he could do.

Being the son of the SAMCRO president usually didn't have any drawbacks for Jax. People knew not to fuck with him, he was well respected and had freedom that other kids their age could only dream about. However, times like these, when all eyes were on him and the other members were looking at him with expectations he still wasn't sure he understood, that he felt all the pressure and the downside of being SAMCRO's prince.

When he was lead over to the closed coffin of his father with his mother one side and Piney and Opie behind him, he watched is as his mother and played the part of the grieving widow perfectly. When the wake was over, he took all the nods, the hugs, condolences, and shook all the hands just like the grieving son would, and when that was over and the drinks began to flow more rapidly, that's when he and Opie made their escape.

They ended back at Jax's playing video games and decidedly not talking about JT. Jax growled in frustration as Opie won another race in the game they were playing. Opie chuckled and playfully punched him on the shoulder, “Wanna go again? That is if you think you can handle losing to me some more?”

Instead of a punch back or some sarcastic response, Opie received a response he definitely wasn't expecting. Jax let out what seemed to be a roar of pure fury and slammed his controller to the ground and Opie knew it was either destroyed or seriously damaged from the force, but apparently the offhand comment had done what it needed. It gave him an outlet to focus all of his rage and sadness into, and no one was better suited to do that than he was.

“So...” Opie started slowly, pretending that Jax's little outburst hadn't happened. “About that rematch?”

“Oh screw you Ope!” He snarled as he hopped of the bed and paced his room. “I'm not even sure why I wanted to you come here anyway! I didn't need you after all! Everything would have been perfectly fine if I'd been by myself!”

Opie remained calm. He'd dealt with an angry Jax before, when his parents would fight, when he realized just how much came along with the title of being the “Prince” of SAMCRO, he quickly learned that for Jax, forcing his problems out of him tended to work best, at least for him.

“Yes you do. You just don't want to talk about it. You don't want to talk about any of it. You forget that I can see beyond that mask you wear at the clubhouse, at school, with your mom. You gotta start workin through this brother.” He ignored the growling that continued to come from Jax as he continued, “You wanted me here to help you," he said as he stepped forward until there was barely any space between them, “so let me help.”

He expected the first punches and easily dodged those, but when Jax caught him off guard with a punch to the stomach, it became an all out war, and by the end of it, they lay side by side bloody and bruised on the floor of Jax's now trashed room. 

“So are you ready to talk now?” He said as he tried to catch his breath.

Jax remained silent, his only sound being his harsh breathing until he whispered so softly Opie had to strain to hear his words, “...It hurts Ope. Why does it hurt so much? Why did this have to happen to him?!”

He could hear the waver in his voice and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him to rest on his chest. He could feel his shirt becoming wet with tears, as Jax finally began to crumble. “I don't know brother, but you can't pretend it doesn't hurt when I know it does. Keeping emotions like that bottled up inside with drive you insane and letting these feelings control you will turn you into somebody you don't want to be, that I don't want to see you be.”

Opie made the moves to get off the floor, only for Jax to remain on his chest. He looked down at the the red rimmed eyes of the blonde and nodded, “Well my dad didn't spend a good hour convincing mom not to send the cops out for me just for me to head out now, but can we at least move to the bed? Between your weight and your hard ass floor I'm getting crushed down here.”

Jax smirked, an almost complete image of his formerly happy self and punched Opie on the chest as he stood and offered out his hand. “Come on old man, lets get you up before I need to go find a cane for you.”

Opie chuckled and stood before falling back on the bed and pulling Jax on top of him. This time, when their eyes met I,t felt like they had been transported back to that night almost a year ago on top of the garage and if they were honest with themselves, they knew what they wanted to happen, and Jax tried not to let the disappointment show in his face when this time, Opie leaned into him and a placed a kiss on his forehead.

“No, not now and not like this.” He smiled at Jax and cuffed him on the head. “Get some rest. You'll need it for tomorrow.” He laid back against the pillows and closing his eyes, seeming to quickly fall asleep. 

Jax however wasn't so lucky. He understood what Opie meant, but that didn't mean he had to like it. His mind drifted back to the kiss the two of them had shared, just like he had almost every day since Opie had left. However, now it was beginning to seem that he wasn't the only one that had thought about what happened between them, and that alone helped him relax as he curled up closer to Opie and began to drift off, much easier than he had been able to during previous nights. The silence in the room was peaceful, even amidst all of the physical destruction, until Opie's gruff voice echoed through the room.

“Hey Jax? You know I love you right?” 

This startled him since the two of them weren't much for gentle words or affections with each other most of the time, but this wasn't exactly a normal time for each of them, so he figured a maybe a bit of a change was in order.

“Yeah,” he whispered back as he felt himself grin against Opie's chest. “I love you too brother.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was right after Opie had come home after the arson failure. Kyle was lucky that club votes had to be unanimous when it came to the death of a member, because if Jax had his way, he would have been dead the second he came back without Opie. They were sitting on the roof of the garage, a couple bottles of beer, a joint, and a peaceful silence between them. It had been a long time since it was just the two of them like this, calm and relaxed, and Jax didn't want to spoil the moment by speaking.

“You're thinking too hard. I smell your brain frying from over here.” Opie said with a chuckle as he turned to look at Jax, his eyes beginning to regain the brightness and liveliness they'd had before he went in. 

“Just thinking about the last time we were up here like this. Remember? Right before you left Charming...”

Jax could see the grin on Opie's face as he nodded slightly, “Yeah...Yeah I remember.”

“I couldn't stop thinking about that night for a very long time brother...” He didn't know if it was the alcohol, the weed, or just having his friend back that was making his tongue so loose, but it was like once he got started, he couldn't stop the words from flowing. “Even with Tara and Wendy, I still thought about it ya know?” 

“I know because I did too.” Opie replied softly as he had another sip of his beer. “Then after I came back you were with Tara and I had Donna, it made it easier to forget.”

Jax chuckled, “Yeah made it easier to forget, but it didn't make it easier for us to keep our hands off each other.” 

Opie couldn't help but join in with laughter at that. He remembered it, he remembered all of it. Sneaking into the empty rooms at the clubhouse for a quick make out session, or back to one of their houses for a quick handjob, and that one time a lost bet led to a very memorable blowjob. Those times may have been few and far between, but in a way, it made them all the more special to them.

“Yeah. It's amazing we never got caught.” He said with a shake of his head. “Though I thought the prospects you brought with you to pick me up today may have noticed something with the way it looked like you wanted to eat me alive out there today.”

Jax rolled over to his side to face Opie and smiled, “Well I had just gotten my best friend back. How was I supposed to look?”

“Probably not like you were ready to bend over for me in the middle of the parking lot.”

“Well maybe I wanted to...maybe I still want to.”

That caught Opie's attention instantly. Oddly enough, for them never being able to keep away from each other, things between them had never actually progressed that far. They had talked about it a couple times, but both of them knew that it would turn what was between them into something much more real and neither of them wanted that, so it just never happened. Now he couldn't tell if Jax was joking or not, but when he looked up and saw the look in his eyes, he was definitely realizing this wasn't a joking matter anymore.

Dropping his empty bottle onto the roof, he reached over and cupped his cheek and leaned in until their foreheads pressed together. “You serious? We really gonna do this?”

“Have I ever lied to you before?” Jax whispered against his lips.

“Well there was that one time about the aliens that you said lived in our backyard, so you may have to convince me not to hold that against you.” 

Jax leaned forward the last few inches and pressed their lips together softly. This was much different than their previous kisses, much less hurried with a touch more intimacy. Their lips still moved together with a familiarity that only came from years of experience learning each others bodies, and Opie was still happy to note that when they broke apart, Jax still had the dazed look in his eyes that his kisses used to leave him with when they were kids. 

“Still need convincing?”

Opie took this moment to roll them over and smirk down at his prey. “You may have to do a little better than that. I'm not the easiest person to win over ya know.” 

Jax's smirk matched his own as he leaned up for another kiss. “We got all night brother and you know I'm all about the service.”

The instant their lips met, all the fire and intensity that Jax remembered from their previous times returned. He couldn't remember when his cut or shirt dropped to the ground, all he could feel was Opie's hands and lips, making him feel better than any woman he could remember. 

He vaguely heard the sound of someone undoing their jeans and and realized they were his when he felt one of Opie's hands grasp his cock and begin to stroke. He gripped Ope's shoulders tightly, trying his best to keep his hips from rocking into Ope's grasp. It was just how Jax liked it, the roughness from the calluses on his palms as his hand moved down his shaft, to the the extra bit of pressure he would add when he ran his thumb again. It brought back memories that Jax had no problem reliving.

Opie finally broke away from his lips and began kissing down his neck and Jax was convinced that Opie hadn't forgotten anything. He still remembered every spot that would have him moaning and gasping for more and he made sure to torment him just a little with each and every one. hen he bit down lightly at the sensitive juncture between his neck and shoulder, he couldn't help but clutch at Opie's shoulders and moan loudly.

“Teasing isn't cool man.” He spread his legs wider to give Opie easier access and thrust his hips higher when he felt Opie's hand slide down lower to tease his balls. “Fuck! Don't stop!” Opie began to speed up his hands and the increased pleasure had Jax's fingers scrambling at the ground as Opie did his best to turn him into a ball of pure want and need.

“Hips up.” Opie commanded gently, ignoring Jax's angry moan when he stopped as he tugged on his jeans to get them off. With Jax finally naked Opie took a second to admire his best friend. He hadn't changed much in five years, longer hair, muscles bigger and more defined. His gaze softened as he smiled at Jax with something akin to tenderness, “I missed you man.”

Jax knew Opie's soft side would appear at some point, it always did when it came to him. Even though usually, he'd tease him slightly for it, he didn't really mind it tonight. “Missed you too bro.” He replied before pulling him down for another kiss. “Now are you gonna fuck me or not?”

Opie just smirked as he took his place between Jax's spread thighs and began kissing his way down his chest, running his tongue over the lines of his muscles to send shivers up his spine. Opie grinned up at him as he finally reached his cock.

“Let's see if I still remember how to do this.”

As soon as the head of his cock slipped between Opie's lips, Jax's hands shot to Opie's head, silently encouraging him to do more. He started out slowly, taking in as much as he could before drawing his lips back up the shaft. There wasn't any finesse to it, just good old fashioned enthusiasm and that was the way Jax liked it. 

He tried to control the noise he was making. Even though there was a party going on down in the clubhouse, he could never be too careful that someone may come looking for them, and this was a scene that could not be explained away. Instead of muffling his moans in usual way, he had a better idea. He grabbed one of Opie's hands and kissed the fingers, before running over each of them with his tongue. His licking turned to sucking as he worked on getting his fingers nice and wet. He worked Opie's fingers like Opie was working his dick. He figured making Opie relive what his mouth could do would be payment enough for the teasing he put him through earlier.

When Opie suddenly pulled way and left his cock cold, wet and with no relief, well he think he got the message across with the long, frustrated groan he let out around Ope's fingers. He sucked at them a little longer, keeping his eyes locked with Opie's all the while, before he suddenly pulled fingers away with a slick pop. 

Jax knew what was coming next and he felt himself shiver in anticipation and something that he would never admit to being fear as he felt Opie's fingers sliding down to his entrance, gasping when he felt one finger lightly circling his pucker.

“Come on man. Don't you think we've waited long enough?” And the beers he had must have been affecting him more than he thought because he didn't know what was making him act like this. He was flat on his back, legs spread, on the roof of the clubhouse about to get fucked by his best friend, and he was seconds away from begging him to hurry up. He didn't want to think about what said about him, and when he felt the rough glide of Opie pushing that first finger inside, he didn't have to. 

All he could do was try and make sure that the rest of the club didn't hear how much he was enjoying this, but the shouts that were being torn from his throat weren't helping matters, but that couldn't be helped either. The burn was intense, and it took a couple of harsh breaths for Opie to even get all the away inside. He focused on relaxing his muscles to let Opie shallowly begin thrusting the finger inside of him. As the pain faded and the pleasure built, he could feel his hips beginning to rock back against the finger, eager to keep it inside him. When Opie added another, he only felt fuller and the burn increase. He was beginning to wonder why he wanted to do this when Opie moved his wrist in a certain way and his fingers brushed against something inside him, he think he got a clue.

“Fuck!” Before he'd realized what he was doing, he'd grasped Opie's wrist in an attempt to make him hit his spot again. “Fuck Ope! Do that again!” 

Opie thrust his fingers a few more times, making Jax's hips buck and his breathing hitch. Opie watched, transfixed, as Jax fucked himself on his fingers. It had been a long time since he'd seen him like this, so free and gone with pleasure. Every moan and gasp was doing nothing but making him harder and more desperate to get inside that tight heat.

He was about to thrust three fingers in when Jax caught his wrist again. “I'm ready Opie. I'm not gonna last long as it is, so quit making me wait."

Opie's chuckling relaxed Jax. This is how they always were together, laughing and teasing each other even at the worst of times. It just proved that no matter what they did, the bond between them was still there, and nothing would ever change that. 

“Always so pushy aren't you?” Opie asked teasingly as he quickly rid himself of his jeans and settled back between Jax's thighs.

Jax grinned and with his hair already damp and sticking to his face with his lips red and swollen, he could imagine what kind of picture he made, and from the look on Opie's face as he watched him, it looked like he wasn't the only one imagining things.

“You know it and love it. Hey w—what?!” He gasped as Opie suddenly rolled them over so Jax was left straddling his thighs.

“I don't want to hurt you. It'll be easier this way since you can control the pace.” He said softly, his fingers rubbing small circles in Jax's hips.

Jax nodded and reached behind him, stroking Opie's cock a couple times to get it slick with pre-cum before raising his hips and placing the head at his entrance.

“Well here goes nothing brother.”

And nothing was almost what happened when he felt the pain of the thick head breach his tight ring of muscle. If he thought Ope's fingers burned, well his cock felt like it was scorching him, burning him from the inside out with every inch that filled him. He was biting his lip in an effort to keep the rest of his body relaxed and to deal with the pain, and he could already taste the copper from the slight trickle of blood in his mouth where he bit through his lip.

“You alright?” He could see that Opie was having almost as much trouble he was holding back. His face was flushed, hair plastered to his face and he dimly felt his hands kneading at his hips.

“Y-yeah.” He said shakily. He could feel his chest heaving as he finally bottomed out. He couldn't think, couldn't focus on anything but the thick cock buried inside of him. As he felt the pain begin to subside, he rocked his hips experimentally and enjoyed the slight shocks of pleasure that the movement sent up his spine. He tried again, this time lifting his hips slightly before dropping back down and making both of them groan. 

“Damn! You're so fucking tight!” Opie gasped out, struggling to keep his hips from thrusting up into that heat. “You gotta move Jax. I don't want to go off before we even get started.”

Bracing himself of Ope's chest, he started a slow rhythm, rising up slightly before dropping down and repeating the motion again. Opie couldn't believe the tightness that surrounded his cock and was on the verge of becoming just as vocal as Jax. His deep groans mixing in with Jax more frequent moans and sighs. He gripped Jax's hips, helping him move and increasing their rhythm. This shifted the angle slightly and now every thrust was hitting his spot which made him tighten uncontrollably and made Opie hold him tighter. 

Jax was already on the brink. With the teasing earlier, he wasn't kidding when he said he wasn't going to last long. One hand shot to his cock while the other stayed braced on Opie's chest. He was shocked, however, when he felt one larger hand leave his hip and cover his own on his cock. The two of them moved together in almost perfect sync, just like they hadn't just spent the last five years apart.

Jax's orgasm hit him much too suddenly for his liking. With a sharp gasp and a long moan, his entire body tightened and he shuddered with the force of it, his cum spattering both their chests white. When he collapsed against Opie, the bigger man gripped his hips again and began thrusting up in sharp, quick jabs which left Jax moaning and bonelessly bouncing on his lap. He had enough strength to lean up and run his tongue lightly over the ink on his chest, knowing just how sensitive they could be when touched just right.

The result was exactly what he expected. Opie throw his head back against the pavement and began thrusting into relentlessly into Jax's still shuddering body as he chased after his peak. Opie's climax hit almost as suddenly and hard as Jax's did. He tightened his grip on Jax's hips to the point that he knew there would most like be bruising the next day as he thrust in hard one last time and held Jax close as he filled him with his release with a long, rumbling groan.

They stayed that way, trying to catch their breath and thinking and trying not to think about what they had just done. Jax went to roll to his side but found that Opie's arms refused to budge, keeping him plastered to his chest. It was always like this after this after they'd been together, neither one of them admitting that they didn't want their time together to end. Usually they just filled that post coital haze with friendly banter and comfortable silence. He didn't know about Opie, but by now Jax could admit, at least to a very tiny part of himself, that it hurt every time their affections went beyond brotherly and they went their separate ways pretending nothing happened.

“Jax...you know this doesn't--”

“--change anything?” He finished, having said those words many times himself. Most of their times ended like this, with one of them saying those words. He'd guessed it must have been Opie's turn this time. He'd really lost count. “Yeah I know."

Opie sighed as he reached for his jeans, grabbing his cigarettes and lighting one before offering it to Jax. “Donna wants me me to leave the club...and I'm thinking maybe it's time to put some distance between us. I owe her at least that.”

Jax had expected it, but the pain he felt when the words were said was unexpected even to him. It wasn't like he would never see Ope if he wasn't knee deep in club shit, but then why couldn't he explain the feeling that it felt like Opie was being sent away to prison all over again.

“I get it. Your family has to come first brother.”

“You're my family too.”

The admission didn't surprise him, but he could sure as hell say that it made him feel a bit better, because he knew the underlying meaning to those words. _I'm not only leaving the club, I have to leave you too._ They've both been there before. When Opie came back to Charming permanently and it finally clicked with with him that he wasn't leaving again, he'd broken off their arrangement then, focusing on his relationship with Tara. Then when she left, and Opie was sure he wasn't going to do anything stupid, it was his turn then. He'd had Donna and knew Jax needed this time on his own. The list goes on, marrying Wendy, Donna getting pregnant, all things that showed what ever this was between them was never meant to resemble anything permanent.

Sometimes when he'd had too much alcohol or smoked one too many joints, he wondered about what would happen if they actually talked about what was between them. He wasn't expecting some great declaration of love, hell that was the last thing he wanted. He just wanted answers. He just wanted to know that the questions he had about their relationship weren't only being asked by himself. 

“Hey Ope...you stayin at the clubhouse tonight?”

Opie took another drag of his cigarette and watched the smoke cloud the air before he looked down at Jax and nodded.

“Yeah. I don't think my welcome home party has ended yet, the guys will be annoyed if the guest of honor leaves early.” Another smoke cloud and more silence. “Ya know, they've probably wondered where we've disappeared to.”

Jax grabbed the cigarette from Opie and inhaled. He enjoyed the feeling of the smoke filling his lungs before handing it back to his friend and relaxing against him again. 

“Fuck it. Let em wonder.”

He may not get the answers to his questions. He may not even be able to be honest with himself about what exactly he and Opie felt for each other, but right then, he found that he really couldn't give a shit. He had everything he wanted in that moment, feelings be damned. He would have plenty of time tomorrow and the days after for contemplating feelings that shouldn't exist, but for tonight, he was just going to enjoy the closeness of a friend that he felt he hadn't seen in a lifetime.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter for some reason really hard to write, so I hope it comes out okay. Now that I've gotten over that bit of writer's block, I can try to update more regularly. I hope everyone enjoys this!

_The rain had started to pour more steadily and Jax had a fleeting thought that he should probably leave. He ignored it. At this moment, not even the iciness of the falling raindrops could get him to move from his spot. He needed this time to himself to think and reflect. He knew that he was slowly becoming something that he hated. He thought that he would be the one that would have complete control of the gavel, and not have it control him. Though, with one of the most important people in his life gone, part of that control had shattered, and he could feel the gavel's corruption inside him._

_He doesn't think that Opie ever really knew how important he was to him, especially in those last few months. It just seemed that no matter what he did, he could never make them fit together like they used to. It wasn't just a single event that caused them to distance themselves from each other, but there was something that behaved like a catalyst for everything._

_Donna..._

_Donna's death changed things in ways he couldn't have imagined. Opie was never the same after her that and neither was their so-called relationship. It used to be no matter what happened to one of them, they always had a way to get through to each other, to show that they understood. With everything that happened between them after her death, it seemed that the connection between them was close to being lost if it hadn't been already. It was one of the things he never managed to fix before Opie's death, and he regretted it everyday. He knew the exact moment when everything seemed to change between them..._

It was wrong.

As he stood at JT's grave, all Jax could think of was how wrong this was. He shouldn't have just came from watching his best friend's wife be put in the ground. Donna didn't deserve this, especially after she was finally accepting the club again. He hadn't seen Opie as happy as he'd been in the last few days since he'd came home from Stockton months ago. 

He could still clearly hear Opie's broken sobs as he cradled Donna's body close and with every sob that wracked Ope's body, Jax could feel part of himself crumbling as well. It haunted him, and now that he knew who and what really caused Donna's death, it made things that much worse. Part of him, a big part he admitted to himself, wanted to tell Opie the truth and let justice be served, but he knew he couldn't tell him just yet. It would kill him to know that the brothers he trusted with his life were the same ones that murdered the woman he loved, and Jax loved him too much to put that pain on top of what he was already feeling.

He clutched the manuscript Piney had given him tighter and nodded to himself. The truth would come out. He may not be the one to explicitly say the words, but he wasn't going to let Opie go on forever without knowing what happened, he was going to make sure he heard it from the source, and he thought it was time to make sure Clay knew his days at the gavel were numbered.

He took one last look at both his father and brother before walking out of the cemetery. He felt the eyes on him and turned back to see the steely gazes of Clay and Gemma. He knew that she knew about the manuscript which meant Clay new about it too, but they didn't know how much it affected him and he was going to make sure they never did. He had more pressing matters to handle. He needed to go see Opie. He knew that his friend was putting on strong front for his kids, but he knew what it was like to hold such a heavy pain in his heart, and he would do anything to help him begin to move past it.

He walked back to the mausoleum where he left his bike, still deep in thought. This was nothing like when JT died, he didn't have to live with the fact that someone purposefully had taken his dad away from him. As much as he told himself he could always relate to Opie, he couldn't begin to imagine how he felt. If something like this was to ever happen to him or Tara, all he knew is that he wouldn't stop until he'd had his revenge. 

As he left the cemetery and made his way over to Opie's, he kept thinking about anything that he could say or do to help. Since the night it happened, he'd felt completely useless. He knows that things are going to be rough for Ope for a while, and he's scared to death that he's going to do something with the club, or even between the two of them, that will make things worse. 

Jax hoped that the crow eaters and the rest of the club had left by the time he reached Opie's, and to his surprise as he pulled on to his lawn, the house was pitch black. Opie's bike was left in the grass and the car was gone. There was a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach that something wasn't right. He felt himself moving faster toward the house and quickly letting himself in with the extra key Opie had given him. He shut the door as quietly as he could as he looked around and let his eyes get used to the darkness.

It was strange seeing Ope's house like this. He had never been there when it was so quiet, so somber. He would just add it to the list of things that would take a while to become something resembling normal. As he walked through the house, he felt like he should be calling out for Ope, he felt like it would be wrong to disturb the silence. Finally his search came to an end as he froze in front of Ope's bedroom, the cracked door and the moonlight allowing him to see inside. 

Opie sat on the floor at the foot of his bed, a picture in his hands and his gun by his side. He couldn't make himself move from his spot. He knew that there could be multiple reasons for the scene in front of him, but the first and most frightening one wouldn't leave his mind. As he reached out to open the door and step into the room, he was stopped by the sound of Opie's voice.

“Shoulda known you'd be here sooner or later. Why are you here Jax? If it wasn't obvious, I kinda want to be alone...and not reminded of the club right now.”

The words hurt, but it was more about how they sounded that scared Jax more. There seemed like there wasn't any life or emotion left in his voice. He wasn't going to leave Opie alone right now. If Jax was in his place, no matter how much he yelled, fought, and demanded it, he knew Opie wouldn't leave his side. 

_Sometimes, when he thinks back on it, he doesn't know what he would have done if he had._

“The club's not here brother.” He said gently. “It's just you and me, just like it's always been.” He decided to start out with a easier subject. “Where's your mom and the kids?” he asked instead.

Opie sighed and traced the lines of the photo he was holding slowly. “They're at the cabin. My mom wanted them to get away for a while and I agreed...they're probably safer there anyway.”

When the room became silent again, Jax took that as a sign of acquiescence and walked inside. Dropping his cut to the floor, he sat silently beside Opie, and usually he would try to reach out and comfort him. A hand on the shoulder, a warm embrace, even a unusually gentle kiss were all ways they would show each other that they weren't alone, that if their back was to the wall, the other will be right there beside him.

“I just wanted to see how you were--”

“--doing?” Opie finished with an empty chuckle. “How do you think I'm doing?” He asked. “My wife is dead and it's all because of me. How would you feel in my place?”

Jax shook his head and turned so he was facing Opie. “I don't know. I really don't.” He sighed as he thought of what to say next. “This isn't your fault Opie.” He started softly. “I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now, but...” He glanced over at the gun again before facing Opie. “I know what you're thinking right now isn't the answer.”

Opie's chuckle cut him off again, “I know what you're thinking brother and I have to admit I'm a bit offended by it.” He followed Jax's gaze to where his gun sat on the bed next to him. “It's not what you think. I heard about how you shut down my dad's vengeance attempt yesterday and figured _if my own brother won't help me avenge my wife, maybe it's best I do it myself_.”

“Ope it wasn't like that. I--”

“You what?!” He shouted as stood suddenly, his face the epitome of rage and despair as he towered over Jax, his hand clutching the framed photo of Donna so tightly, he was afraid Opie might crack it. “You were supposed to be the first one I expected to help me go after Donna's killers! I didn't expect you to be the one person trying to protect them!”

Any retort Jax could have came up with died on his lips. Opie's words were closer to the truth than he would know, and for Jax to see the possible result of his lie staring at him right in the face, a wave of pure terror shot through his heart. He stood up and grabbed the photo of Donna from Opie and forced it into his face.

“I'm not protecting them. I'm trying to keep anything else she saw coming from happening!” he shouted, each word punctuated by his finger tapping wildly on the photo. “You're right. She knew what this life could lead to, but she wouldn't want you to become someone you couldn't stand to look at in the mirror for her.” he finished softly.

Opie grabbed the photo and turned away from him, setting it back on the dresser. The anger was still there, just barely simmering under the surface“...Jax maybe you should go.”

He knew this would happen. He knew that he would probably fuck this up when he came over, but he wasn't going to give up just yet. “No. No I'm not going anywhere. You didn't leave me alone when my old man died and I'm not leaving now.”

He heard Opie's sharp intake of breath and moved closer so he could rest against his broad back. “You can do whatever you want. You can get in as deep in the club as you want to hunt down the Niners, you can throw me out and never speak to me again as long as you live, but you're gonna have to do all of that tomorrow.”

He moved back as Opie turned to face him, his emotions guarded so closely at this point that not even Jax was able to read him. He didn't know what to do if this didn't work. All he wanted was a little more time, a little more time to try ease Ope's pain, but it's not like he's ever gotten anything he'd wanted before.

When he looked back up at Opie and realized he hadn't spoke again he continued on. “Cause tonight, you could beat me to hell and back and I wouldn't leave you here alone, so brother, you might as well accept this, cause I'm not going anywhere.” 

When he finished his little speech, he looked up into Opie's eyes which only seemed to stare blankly at him. An uncomfortable silence filled the room as they stood frozen, and Jax was about to sigh in defeat and give the other man space before he heard the deep voice speak so quietly, Jax was sure he had missed his words.

“You're not sleeping in the bed.”

“Wouldn't dream of it.”

“I miss her, Jax.”

The brokenness of his voice had Jax surging forward instantly, wrapping his best friend in his arms. There were no sobs, no shouting, no nothing. They slid down to the floor, Opie unmoving in Jax's arms, and all the vice president could do whisper “Sorry” with every breath. He knew Opie would think he was sorry about Donna, but there was so much more. He was sorry about his part in what led to Donna's death and what he was going to do in the future to keep it from him, but when he felt one of the arms that had always made him feel so safe raise and grip onto his cut, he could at least begin to fool himself that everything was gonna be all right for once.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit more Opie centric then I'd originally planned, but I still think turned out okay. I hope everyone enjoys it!

Jax couldn't remember a time where he had ever seen Opie look as betrayed as he did in that moment. He tried not to think about just how much of a role he played in putting that look on his face, even after all this time he still didn't think he was ready to deal with it yet.

He'd seen what'd happened to Tig and since ATF weren't busting down their doors, he knew Stahl was still alive. He watched Opie stare at his hands and kept all of his focus off of him. He knew he was in there, and if Opie didn't want to talk than he would wait.

“So you've known this whole time? About Clay? Tig? Everything?”

All he could do was nod. He didn't step away from the door. He still wasn't completely sure how Opie felt about him right then. “Ya know... you were supposed to be my brother. The one person in this club I could count on not to lie to me. Is that what the rift between you and Clay has been about?”

Jax finally stepped fully into the room and sat down on the bed. “Yeah.” He sighed deeply before focusing his gaze on Opie. “I couldn't tell you Ope. Please understand. I didn't want you to get hurt anymore and I knew that finding out that guys who were supposed to be your brothers had betrayed you like this...I did this to protect you.”

“Protect me?! After everything that's happened, you really have the balls to say that you did this to protect me?!” Opie chuckled, a dark, mirthless sound that had Jax's heart breaking all over again. “Ya know...when you used to say that I'd believe you really wanted to protect _me_ , but now I think all you want to do is protect that fucking patch on your chest.”

Jax knew he had that coming, especially with the way he'd been acting lately, but that didn't make the blow hurt any less. He had been hoping he was lying when he'd told Unser the other day that he was going off to lose his best friend, and now that he'd seen how close he had come to that truth, he had to find a way to fix it.

He stood and locked the door before going over to going over to the closet and digging through a few boxes, before finally pulling out the heavy, brown binder. “I know you probably hate me right now and don't want to listen to a word I have to say, but I want you to read this.”

When he received no response, he went and sat beside Ope again. “It was my old man's. It was his original vision for the club. It opened my eyes to a lot of shit and I just want you to try to see what he saw for the club.” He held it out to Opie, but when the other man didn't move he sighed again. “I know it's the last thing you want, but I just want to try and help make things right. You're my brother. I owe you that.” When Opie still made no move to take the binder, he nodded in acceptance and was about to take it back before a large hand gently pulled it away from him. 

“I want to take Clay down as much as you do, so I'll back whatever play you want at church today.” He said softly.

Jax nodded, but didn't speak, knowing that Opie had more to say.

“But don't think this makes everything good between us.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I still don't know how I can share a patch with Clay or Tig, but now...part of me is wondering, can I still share a patch with you?”

Jax couldn't deny that the words hit him hard, but they weren't completely unexpected. He knew he'd been walking a fine line with Ope since he'd found out who killed Donna and it wasn't until that moment he realized he hadn't just walked the line, but had at some point crossed it, and was well on his way to losing the loyalty and trust that Opie had always given him unconditionally.

He stood from the bed in silent acceptance, “I understand.” He said as he walked to the door. “Just promise you'll read that. I'm just hoping that it'll give you a new perspective on things like it did for me.”

The door clicked shut after that, leaving Opie alone with the manuscript. He didn't know how something as small as this could inspire such a change to happen in a person, but maybe it could trigger some sense of understanding in him. He'd been filled with such anger since Donna had been killed and he couldn't begin to wrap his head around the fact that men he called his brothers would do this to him.

Sometimes he wasn't sure why he came back into the club. He could always say it was because it was in his blood, because he was struggling for cash, or even, during the few times he could admit it to himself, his desire to be near Jax, but recently none of those reasons even seemed remotely good enough for him. He knew there had to be something though. There had to be something that kept drawing him back into this life which seemed to have nothing good waiting for him at the end of the line.

He hopes that for once, maybe Jax is right. Maybe this manuscript can make him see the things he's been searching for ever since he came back from Chino and as he continued to read through the pages, he did feel something. He could begin to feel just how twisted and corrupted the club had become and while Tig and Clay were something that would take time to work through no matter what he said a church, he needed to talk to Jax. Because while he still may not understand or accept why he did everything he did, now he was willing to at least try. 

As they left the club house after church, all Opie could think was that he should have seen it coming. He's always taken after Piney and he would have done the exact same thing if Jax hadn't talked to him first. He still wondered about why he didn't beat Tig to death when he found out and if it wasn't for Jax, Clay definitely would have been his next stop and he wasn't sure if he would have been able to stop himself like he had with Stahl.

Even though everything about Donna's death was supposed to have been settled that that table, he knew there was one more thing he had to do. He quickly signaled Jax over before anything else insane could happen at the clubhouse. “We need to talk. Meet me at Donna's.” He said simply, before hopping on his bike and leaving a confused Jax in his wake. He hoped that doing this would make him understand. That if they were truly brothers, what had happened the past few weeks between them couldn't happen again. He needed to know that he could completely trust Jax.

He hadn't been there long before he heard the roar of another bike in the cemetery and then the familiar sound of the gravelly voice he could recognize in an instant.

“What's going on Opie?”

“I read the manuscript and you're right. Things do need to change around here and like I said before, I'll have your back, but I need to know I'll be able to trust you. The lies and secrets need to stop here, right now. It's only been a couple weeks and those lies could have brought all of us right back here.” he said pointing forcefully at the ground. “You can't change this club alone. You need to trust us, trust me.”

Everything was silent between the two for what felt like hours, but couldn't have been more than a few moments. He was waiting for the angry outburst that he had come to expect from Jax when he faced things he knew were true, but shockingly it never came. What he did hear was the soft voice of his best friend, not the mask of the V.P. of SAMRCO.

“I do trust you Ope. I never had a reason not to.” he said gently. 

“Then stop trying to handle all this shit by yourself!” He bellowed, pinning Jax to one of the trees. “We're family remember?! We handle this together! All of this lying and keeping secrets is going do to nothing but get us all killed!”

“And I'm sorry all right! I'm sorry!” He shouted, pushing at Opie's chest. “How many fucking times do I have to say it?!”

“It doesn't matter how many times you say it, if you keep making the same mistake afterwards! This club does need you, but it needs the truth more than anything else right now.” Jax finally relaxed against him as he continued. “I don't want to come back here anytime soon. I don't know if losing Donna will ever get easier or if I'll ever be on the same page with my kids again, but I do know that you're one of the few things I can count on when I really need it and the last thing I want is to be back here and you're the one in the pine box.”

That left Jax absolutely speechless. He knew that there was nothing he could say that could make what he'd done any better for him but he figured this would be a start and maybe for once, he would actually begin to listen to Opie's advice for once. 

He decided against saying anything and instead hugged Opie tightly before reluctantly breaking away. “You should go. Lyla and the kids are probably waiting for you.” 

Opie nodded and as they walked back to their bikes, suddenly through an arm around his shoulders. “You know what? How about we head back to the clubhouse for a bit and play some pool or something? It's not that late yet and we haven't done anything besides be at each others throats lately.” He said with a slight chuckle.

Jax grinned and bumped his head against Opie's shoulder playfully. “Yeah, I think for once you've had a good idea Ope.”

“For once?!” He said, cuffing Jax on the side of his head. “Please, the only reason any of your ideas are considered good is because they're ran through me first...”

As they headed back to the club house, Jax realized this was the happiest he'd been in the past few weeks. The bantering between them and the closeness were things that he had realized he'd missed until they were on the verge of being gone forever. He was going to figure out way to save the club and now he knew for sure, that he would have his best friend by his side when he did it.


End file.
